“Because at some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life and this is my way of keeping you in my heart.” – Sandi Lynn, Forever Black
“Hey babe! I’m just around the block. You craving for anything?”
My voice sounded out of the ordinary over the phone, but I had to find an excuse to meet here outside. I couldn’t do it in front of her mother. I was going to disappoint a woman. Making it two would be too much of a guilty conscience to bear.
“Hmm, maybe get some chicken wings? Mum said we should have dinner together… My maid cooked noodles…”
My heart sunk hearing the dinner invitation.
“Come to the staircase landing when you’ve reached! I’ll be waiting there.”
I sat on the bench waiting for the food to be prepared, my heart in a whirlwind of emotions. Should I? Or should I not?
I walked towards the staircase landing, replaying the scenario in my head again and again. I wanted to turn back, to just disappear for good but I knew that would be the utmost disrespect to the woman who gave me her heart. The least I could do, is to explain it in person.
As I reached the staircase landing, I saw her sitting on the second last step, a lighted cigarette in her right hand. She wore a simple white shirt and running shorts, her black lingerie apparent through the translucent material. She smiled at me as I approached and I thought she looked absolutely beautiful at that moment.
“Hey!” Lisa greeted. Her voice sweet and melodious.
“I missed you!”
“I miss you too,” I replied, as I return her embrace, unsure if I am deserving of such welcome.
“Let’s go in after this cigarette!” Lisa said, her eyes sparkling with excitement. She had waited an entire week just to see me again, yet here I was about to crush her world in just a day. I lost my confidence to do this.
Lisa light up another cigarette and returned to her phone. She was in the middle of a game called Arena Of Valor, her brow furrowed in concentration.
I took out my phone and texted my buddy.
-I don’t think it’s working out with the girl. Should I just tell her that?-
-Yeah, you should bro. It’s normal.- Buddy
-How do you feel when you’re with your girlfriend?-
-You can’t compare feelings. If you feel it’s not right, it just means that she’s not right for you.- Buddy
-But I’m not sure. I’ve never dated before. What if I mistake those negative feelings as not liking her you get what I mean?-
-No, it’s not.- Buddy
-Do you think maybe I’ll grow to like her in time?-
-A romantic relationship is just a normal relationship with fluff. It’s not like you’ve never interacted with other people. Sometimes you meet people that you can or cannot connect with. Same for relationships. If you can’t like her as a person, how are you going to love her as a lover?- Buddy
-I don’t dislike her… I just don’t see her as my girlfriend though-
-Just stick to your feelings man. You will come out better- Buddy
-Alright. Thanks, bro.-
I looked up from my phone just as Lisa ended her game. She leaned over.
“Who are you texting?” She teased in mock jealousy. Without waiting for a reply, she stood up and started walking towards her doorstep.
“Let’s go! I’m starving!”
I stay seated on the steps, my resolution stronger than ever. Lisa looked back when she realized I wasn’t following her.
“Aren’t you coming?”
I looked up and matched her gaze. I cocked my head to the empty space beside me and signaled for her to come back.
“Lisa, come back. Before we go, I have something to say.”
She stood rooted for a few seconds before making her way back cautiously.
“What is it? You sound so serious?”
“Just come back and take a seat first. Please?”
Lisa complied and sat down reluctantly. I had replayed this scenario so many times in my head, but at that moment I was tongue tied and my mind a complete blank.
Yet I knew I had to say it once and for all. It would be unfair to her if I dragged it longer. The last thing I wanted was to hurt her more than necessary.
“Let’s end this…” I said.
-To Be Continued-
© 2017 Xavier Lee – All Rights Reserved / Featured Image Photographer: Ryan McGuire